Resident Evil Poem
by Hannah Senna Whiskeypants
Summary: A poem summing up experiences of all the Resident Evil Games. SPOILERS ahead, as well as opinions and VERY CRAPPY rhyming. Ta for reading, rate and review please. Contains all of the main Resident Evil games.  I think, aha, bar Dead Aim etc


So, I started in the mansion, all was cool,

Was low on bullets, missing school,

Found all the keys, didn't become a sandwich,

All the zombies around, no L4D witch,

Burnt the plant to shit, good day, good day,

'Got the the root of the problem' – you don't say,

Hunters tried to kill,

Couldn't match my skill,

I got to the laboratory, at the end of the game,

Got rid of Wesker, the Tyrant, I could tame,

Went off in the helicopter, first game is done,

Under 3 hours, got a big gun,

Second game now, playing as Claire,

Had an okay amount of bullets, all seemed fair,

Was in the police station, Chief went mad,

Wouldn't stop talking about the game, mum called me sad,

Beat the fuck out of Tyrants, Mr x and Will,

Sherry kept stopping when I ran in front of her, bitch, I could kill,

I got to the lab, this is a trend,

Met up with Leon, what a friend,

Beat the boss, beat the game,

Now that I've done them in a row, my mum calls me lame,

Alright, third game, let's go,

Oh hai Nemesis, whoa...

You're a big bastard aren't you,

Ah, you have a rocket launcher, oh poo...

Bugger, you just killed Brad!

He's my favourite character too, NOW I R MAD!

I'ma put my swag on, shoot you up,

Carlos, what are you saying? Shu'p,

So anyway, I'm now at a lab! Urm...Wait...

No, seriously, I am, damn, I love fate,

I beat the guy, nemesis is now gone,

Barry came, Helicopter went, as the sun shone,

So, CLAIRE, what's up Blud,

Walking along, some zombies appear from the mud,

Fighting hard, staying strong,

Met Steve, his voice – it's wrong,

Ran back and forth, met a cross dresser, yeah,

Now I'm a girl, and that dress he donned, not even I would wear,

Think he was gay, or into incest or something,

Doesn't this poem make you wanna play Resi more, it's an interesting thing,

Chris came along, saved the day,

BUT, there was a man there who was gonna make you pay,

ALBERT WESKER, that evil fucker, I swear he's following Chris,

Like some creepy stalker, go on Yaoi fangirls, take the piss,

Anyway, after he spoke, yada ya, and did some impressive stuff,

Chris proved he was really tough,

Got out of the place, BTW, Steve died,

It was really tragic, Claire cried,

Escaped on a jet though, all was good,

All my time devoted to Resident Evil, don't worry I would sleep...If I could,

SO, let's go back, before it all, to zero, that's right, Becky's game,

Not many people liked the medic, but this was her rise to fame,

Her justice bringer, see she was really quite strong,

LOL JK, Billy did all the work, Becky sat round like a mong,

OKAY, that's unfair I know! She was alright to be fair,

So you ventured down into the training lair,

Loads of shit happens, that requires co-op, woo hoo,

I'm gonna cheat now, killed a Tyrant, WOO!

See what I did there? Sneaky, huh, anyway, turns out Billy isn't a bad guy,

And, why he killed so many people is explained when Becky asks 'why?',

All is good, and the game is completed, endings a bit sad, I hate to ruin it,

Becky then goes onto the next game, she must have felt like shit,

Okay. Cast of outbreak, guys, sorry. But you were kind of, how do I put this, urm...Some of you were okay...But no, seriously, sorry...I can't...I just can't make a poem for you, it's like, nothing personal, but well, I just. Aw, you know. Sorry Outbreak. Really. I am.

BUT ANYWAY GUN SURVIVOR! MY MAIN MAN!

This game is actually THE BEST, in the series, honestly, this game CAN,

The main character, Ark, you should see that guy's skill,

Zombie, Licker, Mr X, he can kill,

Is he Vincent, is he Ark, ohh, we may never know,

Okay, I did kind of give it away in the third line, URM...Hey look, A ZOMBIE CROW!

So anyway, there are some kids, some virus, Ark is a bit crazy,

I played this game, only an hour long, great if you're lazy,

Like an arcade game, yeah, real good fun,

This game was so fast to beat, I actually had chance to go out and experience the sun,

Amazing right? The game ended...After a laboratory...Oh jeeze,

The final battle, bought me to my knees,

Tough fight,

Took all my might,

Once it was done, the game has been left to dust,

No offence to Ark, it's just he was kind of like...Rust...

:|

Or a piece of bread crust!

Okay, enough, with the bad rhymes, let's make this shit real,

Let's go onto Resi 4, now we're really turning the wheel,

Leon, he's a special agent in this game,

Saving the presidents daughter, enough to drive you insane,

A whiney little lady, names Ashley, great,

She shouts, screams, her voice, it WILL irritate,

Then you find Wesker, Ada and the crew,

They're all after the plagas, and trying to kill you!

Ada and Leon don't care much when they meet,

Normal Leon, would have took a seat,

Not Chris Hansen style, don't worry 'bout that,

I meant 'cause he used to care a bit more, but seriously when she showed, bricks were shat,

So, you get on with the game, killing crazy Spanish people, FIGHTING CHAINSAW DOC,

Oh, you know what I mean, he'll give you a shock,

So end of game, Krauser dies, steroid overdose or something,

Ada runs off, Leon kills bad guy, Wesker's still DAH KING,

All is good, President's daughter is safe, nice one mate,

Then she asks Leon on a date,

LOL REJECTED.

Okay. Resident Evil 5 came out, got it in December,

Basically you're in Africa, as a KKK member...

-Holds earpiece-

"Fuck that's not the story...Shit..."

Okay, second try now, Resident Evil 5, we see Chris again,

Let's just say, he bit the bullet, and took the pain,

The guy is huge, he has a mini-sidekick, some pretty rad chick,

The monster-zombie-mutant-villagers asses she can kick,

Later on in the game, Jill makes an entrance, with the evil prick,

You know the one, he wears sunglasses, all black, skills are sick,

Wesker has control over Jill for a some time, she wears a black cloak,

At this point, I'm staying up all night playing, hooked on coke,

The drink, don't you worry now, so anyway, more shit occurs, Wesker, you fight,

He's really tough, does many instant kill moves, you must face him with might,

Eventually you end up in a volcano, quite a big jump aha, I know,

You fire two rockets, trap him in lava, beat him to shit...So...

Wesker kind of dies, it's actually pretty sad,

He was a favourite character of mine, I only hated him a tad,

So that brings me to the end of this poem...God damn I wrote a bit,

Reading through it, I'll probably feel like a tit,

I did complete the other games, but couldn't be assed to write,

I will have to play Revelations when it comes out, if my purse isn't too tight,

Resident Evil is a great game, and always will be,

And I hate everything, so Capcom feel privileged from the words of me!

Tell you what you should do if you stumble on across this here note,

Don't just scrumple it up and leave it in your coat,

Consider my words of what I say now,

Make a game of the STARS members, it'd be 'WOW'

Seriously, would be fun, playing as Brad,

Okay, just me? I know I'm sad,

Well make it of all the characters, it'd be great fun!

Just keep making games, and keep me from the sun,

Can't be doing with that 'social' stuff, gimme a break,

So consider my idea PLEASE! This game you must make,

And to all those who read this poem, read it all the way through,

All I can do really, is thank you,

You might be a watcher, or just stumbled across this rhyme,

I'm really really grateful that you spent you time,

Reading through this ode to every Resident Evil game,

I know, you might think I'm slightly insane,

Best way to be though, don't you all think?

Maybe you could rate and review (wink, wink.)

**Thanks again, everyone. :)**


End file.
